Over the past couple of decades, I have listened to hundreds of couples talk about their needs and frustrations. Though there are exceptions, I have noticed this common theme spoken by over 75% of the women I taught or counseled: “I just want him to communicate with me more and let me know he loves me.” Nearly every book and article I’ve read which lists women’s top needs include words such as connection, communication, love, security, honesty, family commitment, appreciation, and respect.
Recently, Rod, wrote the blog, “A Man’s Cry for Purpose.” Specifically, he noted, “Men crave respect, and they see much of who they are, their self-worth, through their work… (A man’s wife) can help him come to a broader awareness of who he is.” Clearly, this level of support is only possible in an emotionally safe relationship of mutual transparency and vulnerability.
Women long to be intimately connected to their husbands. For men to feel deeply respected and supported by their wives, they must be able and willing to access and communicate their deep thoughts, feelings, and desires to their wives. Most women become less intense, more content and more supportive when they feel securely connected to their husbands. God created every human being to crave this kind of honest connection. As Danny Silk puts it in Keep Your Love On! Connection, Communication and Boundaries, “The experience of intimacy—of being completely known and accepted, and completely knowing and accepting in return—is the most satisfying experience we can have as humans.”
Of course, no man can make a woman feel completely known and loved. I remember a time early in our marriage when God convicted me that I had put my husband in God’s place and was expecting Rod to confirm my worth and significance. I determined from that moment on that I would only seek my identity and vision directly from God. Yet Rod and I continue to encourage one another every step of the way.
We have observed that when couples participate in a LifeQuest Couples Home Group, they begin an adventure of self-discovery and mutual sharing. Then spouses can begin to address individual and couple needs for purpose and vision as well as needs for deeper connection and intimacy. In the words of Danny Silk in Keep Your Love on! “When two people establish the pillar of vision in their relationship, they share the knowledge of one another’s identity and calling, as well as their joint vision, and remind one another of these things on a regular basis. When seasons of difficulty, pain, or loss come up, the pillar of vision strengthens a relationship connection and protects it from being thrown into survival mode.”
That’s what LifeQuest Couples is all about. “Unleashing purpose…together!”
