We recently hosted an open forum workshop entitled “Living Together – No Strings Attached.” Participants expressed frustration and ambiguity about how to deal with the growing trend of couples living together prior to marriage, or those that forego marriage altogether. Pastors and ministry leaders who attended all had experience in working with couples living together outside of marriage. But Scripture is very clear about the sanctity of the marriage bed (see Hebrews 13:4), and the divine nature of the marriage relationship (Genesis 2: 18-24).
After 50+ years of social research in the U.S. and Europe, there is ample data showing that God in Scripture had it right. The power and influence of today’s culture, however, is too much for most young couples who want to take their relationships to the next level of involvement.
Two key ideas emerged from our discussion during our workshop. The first is to focus on individual discipleship of the participants and help them move toward more consistency in their walk with Christ. Changing their living situation until their wedding day can bring unexpected blessings, and make their wedding night far more meaningful for them.
The second key idea was to ask good questions rather than preach, coax or hound the couple to change their living arrangement. A question requires an answer from the individual. Good answers require thoughtful processing and may take people on unexpected journeys of the mind (think Holy Spirit). In Lifequest Couples Coaching we find that truths that are discovered by individuals become truths owned and acted upon.
One of the best resources for information on cohabitation is Glenn Stanton’s book, The Ring Makes All the Difference, Moody Publishers 2011. Using material from Stanton’s book and other sources we have compiled a list of questions that you may find helpful in walking cohabitating partners through issues they likely are unaware of regarding their live-in relationship. Here is our list of Questions for Cohabitation Participants. You may have others. Our list is downloadable to share or discuss with others. Hand in hand with the questions are the hidden or often unspoken concerns participants may have for their partners. This a partial list of Hidden Issues to get you started.
