John Gottman, PhD[i]1, writes in Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 2015, “In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just ‘get along’ – they also support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together.” We have learned that the defining element of LifeQuest Couples Coaching is the shared adventure couples experience as they discover, or perhaps reconfirm, a unique purpose for one another and leverage their marriage for ministry as a couple. That is what draws couples together in a shared commitment to one another in living out their God given Designs. Gottman’s research clearly supports our understanding of why LQCC is so effective helping marriages begin well, build well, and even finish well.
A shared adventure like LifeQuest Couples Coaching can be profound because it creates a greater level of intimacy without losing individual identity. The two shall become a more influential One because they learn how to understand their differences and leverage them for greater Kingdom work. Just as significant, couples live out a model of Christian marriage for all the world to see. That is no small thing.
Charlene and I have experienced this unique dynamic as we have worked toward a shared vision for ministry. We talk at a much deeper level, and we become less stifled by the differences we see in each other. We are coming to see each other through the eyes of Christ, not someone competing for time or resources, or space. The intimacy we feel is very akin to when we first married, at the birth of our three children and at times walking them through the growing up process.
But this is different, much sweeter, because we can be ourselves and embrace the specialness of one another. Conversations are more spirited now because we feel safe entering those spaces. We know we are accepted the way we are – not as an opponent, or a burden, or someone to work around. We see each other as God must see us, uniquely created.
In the past two years we have led several intergenerational groups of couples through the LifeQuest Couples process. It’s been our mission to study, write and create and lead this couple’s home group curriculum. It is just now that we can articulate more effectively what occurred with us, and what we see happening with other couples who have experienced this process.
LifeQuest Couples Coaching is far more than a marriage event, or a weekend mountain top experience. We did those, by the way. It is more than learning communication skills or working on conflict resolution, or even “sexing up the marriage bed.” We did all that as well. This ministry is more than grasping the fact that men and women understand and process facts and feelings much different from one another. Yes, we read and taught the book about being from Venus and Mars. These are all important elements to living life together as a married couple. But there is more!
LifeQuest Couples Coaching generates a paradigm shift in view, understanding and acceptance. We see one another from the vantage point of how God created us, each with a distinct design and a unique purpose on this earth. This has been God’s great gift to us as a Christian couple married for many years and now engaged in ministry together. You can experience something similar, only unique to your own marriage. A LifeQuest Couples Home Group may be the best investment in time and energy you ever make in your marriage. Now may be your time to re-evaluate where you are going at such breakneck speed, to be sure you are going the right direction.
[i] John M. Gottman, PhD, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999, 2015. Author, trainer, speaker and founder of Gottman Institute and professor of psychology at University of Washington.
