We are still learning from our experience with LifeQuest Couples Coaching. One of the key lessons for me as a man has been the deeper understanding of my innate drives for significance and purpose in life. To share that and explore it even further with my wife Charlene has been profound. I don’t think this is an over-statement. I have coached other men through a similar process and I sense that their experience has been similar.
In a recent email, I learned of another man with similar lifelong questions about his significance and purpose. This man’s experience is so similar to mine that I just could not leave it alone. Perhaps you have thought something similar and can relate. Here is some of what I read:
“My life after college became a series of career ‘attempts’, almost always chasing the new shiny object in search of riches, fame, or at least meaning. The starts and stops of my working experiences were punctuated with the recurring frustration of wanting to learn what am I supposed to do? I tried to keep my options open, which meant I never fully committed to one choice, in case something better came along.
“For many years I asked, prayed, cried out, bargained and even demanded of God that if there was a plan for my life, that I be let in on it. At one point I threw up my hands and walked away from Him. I was convinced that if He didn’t care enough about me to direct me with a plan, that He didn’t care about me or my daily life at all. I just couldn’t honor a God like that.
“I still have a need to know ‘God’s will in my life,’ a sense of fulfillment, and I long to hear, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.’ I have a wounded hope that God will – once and for all – reveal to me His will for my life. I so desperately want to know.”
Men crave respect, and they see much of who they are, their self-worth, through the lens of their work. When a man’s wife grasps this huge need, she can help him come to a broader awareness of who he is. She may even help him find words to describe what he feels, and then give him space and resources to do what he is compelled to do. She becomes the helpmate God intended for his life because she has a vested interest in his well-being and success. Each married couple works out this delicate intertwining of their unique designs, coming from their own unique personality in their own way, creating deeper intimacy with one another. The Holy Spirit points the direction, smooths the road and sees it to completion. Truly, God works in mysterious ways.
I pray this man’s journey through the LifeQuest Couples process will help him discover the precious gifts God has given him, gifts of unique motivational drivers, passions and skills, all part of his signature DESIGN intended for building the Kingdom. Sharing this journey with his spouse will bring them a deeper sense of intimacy, with new paths forward in ministry.
